Should I Talk to Or Contact the Woman My Husband Cheated On Me With? Insights To Help You Decide

Last Updated on Tuesday, 18 October 2011 01:27 Written by Natural Health Team Tuesday, 18 October 2011 01:27

Health Information about Should I Talk to Or Contact the Woman My Husband Cheated On Me With? Insights To Help You Decide

There are a lot of sticky and difficult issues in the aftermath of an affair and I sometimes get emails asking for advice on how to handle them.  One of the more common is “should I confront the other woman?,” or “should I meet with my husband’s mistress?” These are loaded questions. 

It’s understandable to want answers and to doubt that your husband is giving you the honest responses to all of them.  It’s common to want to know who this woman is, what’s she like, and just what your husband sees in her.  But, there are several negatives that can occur following such a meeting.  I’ll discuss them, as well as some other things to consider, in the following article.

  Many wives want to confront or talk to the other woman because doing so will take a lot of the mystery out of the image of her that you have in your mind.  You fantasize that meeting her will allow you to see just who you are dealing with.  Perhaps you can let her know without question that she needs to back off of your husband.  Perhaps you can make her understand that her callous actions are destroying a family. Perhaps you can get the “real story” from someone who has no reason to lie.  All of these things seem perfectly reasonable when they are still only in your mind, but the reality of the situation almost always turns out quite different.  Sometimes, meeting with her can be a disaster and can make your situation far worse.  This is a potentially seriously unhealthy situation for you, which I’ll explain more below. 

Believe me when I say that I understand what you are feeling right now. I once camped out behind the dumpster at my husband’s office laying in wait for her to walk by. (I chickened out when it came time to confront her, though.) But, let’s think about this for a second.  I’d be willing to bet that you are thinking about confronting her because you think that it will make you feel better or improve your situation. But, how likely do you think this really is?

Unless this woman is gracious, apologetic, and trustworthy, it’s very doubtful that you are going to have a positive experience.  I dialog with women in this situation on an almost daily basis and I can tell you that it’s extremely rare that this turns out OK. It almost always makes the wife feel worse.  Because what typically happens is that the “other woman” is not receptive, forthcoming, or empathetic.  No, she’s often only too happy to lay out in full detail how you were deceived.  She’ll place all the blame on your husband and attempt to paint herself as the innocent party.  She’ll insist that your husband came on to her without any encouragement.  And, she’ll try to insinuate that your husband is giving you a deceitful account of how things currently stand. 

I fully realize that if the affair is still fresh, it’s very likely that you do have doubts about the story that your husband is telling you.  But, you aren’t likely to get a truthful account from this woman. She’s been deceiving you with ill intentions all along.  You have no history with her.  It’s in her best interest to paint yourself in the most positive light while kicking your husband to the curb.  Or, sometimes she’ll try to paint the relationship as a storybook love story, that they’re too people who just can not be apart.  Perhaps this is how she sees it, but your husband may see it entirely differently.

Let’s think about this rationally.  The reasoning behind your wanting to talk to your husband’s mistress are probably the following:

1. You want to tell her to stay away from your husband.

2. You want her to understand the hurt she has caused.

3.  You want to size her up and see what she looks like.

4. You want to hear her side of the story.

5.  You think that it will make you feel better.

6. You hope that she’ll back off from your husband.

Well, a few of these objectives are best completed by your husband.  You have a history with him, whether you want to save your marriage or not.  It’s a better choice to allow him to make clear to her that the relationship is over and the pain that it has caused.  And, here is what is going to make you feel better.  It’s not seeing and sizing up the other woman.  It’s repairing your own self esteem and restoring the trust and intimacy in your marriage. It’s making your marriage stronger and better, so much so that she no longer crosses your mind.  She can’t do these things for you (and she wouldn’t want to.)

I understand that you sort of want revenge on her. That’s perfectly normal.  But, you know what the best revenge is? For her to be nothing more than a momentary regret.  Don’t allow her into your life any more.  Swat her away like the troublesome, momentary little gnat that she is and don’t give her the satisfaction of seeing how she’s affected you.  Because at the end of the day, what she doesn’t want is for the man that she has carried on with to become happy and fulfilled again with his wife. She doesn’t want for you to reclaim this role. How sweet it will be when you do.  Your happiness and mental health is the best revenge.  While she’s left with regrets and shame, conduct yourself with grace and dignity and worry about your own health and happiness, without giving her more concern and interest than she deserves.

Confronting or talking to the woman that your husband cheated with is probably only one of the issues you are dealing with. I know that working through this is difficult, but it can truly be worth it. Although I never would’ve believed this two years ago, I did eventually truly get over the affair. My marriage is stronger than ever. It took a lot of work, and I had to play the game to win, but it was worth it. Our bond and intimacy is much stronger and because of all the work I did on myself, my self esteem is at an all time high. I know longer worry my husband will cheat again. You can read a very personal story on my blog at http://surviving-the-affair.com/

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Depression of the wife was triggered by an angry husband

Last Updated on Monday, 2 August 2010 01:19 Written by putra Monday, 2 August 2010 01:19

Many women experience depression triggered by the hostile attitude of the husband. But otherwise the husband would not get depressed if the wife to be.

Researchers from the University of Missouri conducted a study of relationships between husband who ill-tempered and level of depression and wife. Researchers studied the interaction of household activities of 416 married couples with a duration of 20 minutes of video.

The video will be two types of behavior, namely anti-social behavior that shows selfishness, opposing or showing lack of restraint. The second type is the behavior that triggered the anger hostility, criticism and rejection.

“In another study showed hostility husband significantly associated with depressive symptoms increase the wife,” said Christine Proulx researchers from the University of Missouri, as quoted from the LiveScience.

The greater the hostility and antisocial behavior indicated he will make their wives more depressed after three years.

These findings suggest that treatment of the wife’s husband has a significant impact on psychological problems, welfare. Meanwhile, hostile behavior has an effect on the couple during marriage. Researchers have been published in the Journal of Family Psychology in the latest edition.

The researchers also found no significant correlation between depression husband’s anger with the wife, unless there is a significant event at that time, including death in the family or losing a job.

“Women are more vulnerable than her husband when there is hostility in the marriage,” said Prolux.

But according to Proulx, the stress might have a negative impact on the husband because of hostility with their wives.

According to the National Institute of Mental Health is almost 10 percent of the population in the United States suffer from depression. The cause of this depression varied and the behavior of the husband’s anger could be a contributing factor.

It’s important for people who are depressed because of the relationship, to realize that the behavior of their partner affects the lives and feelings about themselves, especially among women.

Pap smears can know the behavior of husbands who love affair

Last Updated on Sunday, 1 August 2010 08:03 Written by putra Saturday, 31 July 2010 12:09

Sexually transmitted disease is a disease feared by every partner. The wife may not know what the husband outside the home. But there is one sign of tips that can be adulterous husband likes it or not.

According to the survey of the National Family Planning Coordinating Board (BKKBN), nearly 50 percent of men prefer to have sex with commercial sex workers (CSW). Yet many men who dodged and did not want to admit that his wife knew he was infected with confusion when sexually transmitted diseases.

Sexually transmitted diseases so many kinds ranging from genital herpes, syphilis (syphilis), gonorrhea (gonorrhea), Chlamydia, hepatitis B, prostatic cancer, cancer of the cervix (neck of the womb), trichomonas to HIV / AIDS.

Among the many such diseases, there are two diseases that be a sign that your partner would love to ‘snack’, namely chlamydia and trichomonas.

“If a woman during a pap smear test and detected the disease chlamydia or trichomonas, and the nurse who examined said that her husband should take the same medicine, it means that the husband likes ‘snacks’,” said dr Hendro Sudarpo, SpOG in Jakarta.

Chlamydia and trichomonas bacteria commonly found in those frequent partner change repeatedly. While other causes of sexual transmitted diseases usually arise from the mushrooms. That is precisely the reason why chlamydia and trichomonas is a disease that can determine whether your husband would love to ‘snack’ or not.

Chlamydial disease has symptoms similar to gonorrhea (gonorrhea), though it can also occur without symptoms. In the U.S., chlamydia, including the most treatable disease, but also easy to infect, which is around four million people every year.

Chlamydia can cause severe arthritis and infertility in men. Such as syphilis and gonorrhea, sufferers can be cured with antibiotics.

Meanwhile, trichomonas disease can cause the area around the vagina become foamy or frothy. But there are also women who do not experience any symptoms. This disease can cause premature babies are born if the mother is suffering from this disease during pregnancy.

The only way to prevent the spread and did not get the disease is by having sex with one partner. The use of condoms can prevent the disease is HIV and gonorrhea, but less effective in preventing herpes, Trichomoniasis, chlamydia and HPV.